A biography for Lois Greimanhasn’t been written yet.
“There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.”
“Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.”
“Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his.”
“Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?”
“The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.”
“Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops.”
“If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong.”
“If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?”
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not”
“Trust is important to any relationship… and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked.”
“Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.”
“When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.”
“False hope is better than no hope at all.”
“There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.”
“He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.”
“Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.”
“He looked from His heavens and saw it was good, the toes and the crows all looked like they should. The bunny was quick, the finch bright as a daisy, the owl flew at night, and the tortoise was lazy.”
“In the beginning God made the seas, the mountains, the heavens, and buffalo knees. He made lilies, and dew drops, and snail shells, and roses, and dippers, and yappers, and snappers, and noses.”
“You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.”
“Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.”