A biography for W. C. Fieldshasn’t been written yet.
“The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.”
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
“Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.”
“I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”
“I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.”
“I never met a kid I liked.”
“I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.”
“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
“If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.”
“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
“I must have a drink of breakfast.”
“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.”
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.”
“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
“I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.”
“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”