W. C. Fields

“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”

“I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.”

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”