A biography for Ron Whitehasn’t been written yet.
“There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.”
“Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won't give my TV show. I put it in my live show.”
“I have a very fun life. I don't recommend it for anybody else, but it sure has been fun for me.”
“My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.”
“I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.”
“I don't live under the illusion we don't need a military to protect this country.”
“You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.”
“I don't do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil's show. He's a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn't give me any advice. He doesn't give solicited advice.”
“I always wanted to be a popular comedian.”
“I don't know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn't have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen.”
“I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.”
“I've got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called 'Jayne Mansfield's Car.' I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.”
“I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I've always done. That's really where my best stuff comes from. I don't know how it happens. It just happens.”
“I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.”
“The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.”
“Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.”
“I'm not willing to drag my fans down a road I don't believe in. That's just my one little principle. I've only got one, and that's it.”
“I always found that the closer I got to who I really am, on stage, the more they responded to it.”
“The next time you have a thought... let it go.”
“I've asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don't understand it. But I don't understand a lot of things.”