A biography for Rita Rudnerhasn’t been written yet.
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.”
“We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.”
“I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience.”
“I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.”
“I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.”
“Being a dancer and a singer gave me some advantage with regards to having a stage presence. I always take my timing from the audience because they are half of my act.”
“I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.”
“I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by imitating what you perceive to be a comedy rhythm, you will get laughs sooner, but you will not be unique.”
“I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night.”
“Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”
“My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.”
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.”
“I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.”
“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”
“If you are who you are on stage, people pay attention.”
“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.”
“I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.”