A biography for Rita Rudnerhasn’t been written yet.
“I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs.”
“I wanted to say things that were natural coming from me.”
“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.”
“A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.”
“My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.”
“The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.”
“Men forget everything women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.”
“Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.”
“Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.”
“Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.”
“They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.”
“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”
“Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
“Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.”
“Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?”
“On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.'”
“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”