A biography for Rita Rudnerhasn’t been written yet.
“אני אוהבת לישון. זה הטוב משני העולמות. את חיה ובכל זאת אינך יודעת דבר.”
“גברים שוכחים הכול, נשים זוכרות הכול. זו הסיבה שגברים צריכים שידורים חוזרים של משחקים.”
“כשאני פוגשת גבר אני שואלת את עצמי, האם זה מסוג האנשים שאני רוצה שהילדים שלי יבלו איתו את סוף השבוע?”
“אני חושבת שגברים עם עגילים באוזן מוכנים יותר לנישואים. הם כבר חוו כאב וקנו תכשיטים.”
“אני נורא אוהבת להיות נשואה. זה ממש מדהים למצוא את הבן האדם המיוחד הזה שאתה רוצה לעצבן במשך שארית חייך.”
“כדי למשוך גברים, אני אשים בושם בשם 'פנים רכב חדש'.”
“התכוונתי לעשות ניתוח פלסטי, אבל שמתי לב שהמשרד של המנתח היה מלא בציורים של פיקאסו.”
“I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.”
“I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it.”
“I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.”
“My Vegas act is how I make my money.”
“I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.”
“Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence.”
“I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'”
“It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”
“Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate.”
“There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.”
“The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.”
“Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'”