Pete Holmes

“I disagree with the idea that everything happens for a reason.”

“A stand-up act is almost like a pool. You know what I mean? It's like a pool, and you're always skimming little leaves out of it, messing with the chlorine level, putting up umbrellas. You're trying to make one little stagnant body of water perfect. Whereas a late-night show is like a river, always moving forward.”

“The biggest idea of a good time for me is making the Batman videos that we did. That is my ideal day. That is exactly what I want to be doing... I like doing cartoons. I like writing things.”

“Losing your faith is an essential part of having a three-dimensional, vivid, vibrant faith.”

“I love 'Year One.' I read 'Year One' over and over again.”

“People like Bill Burr and Jim Gaffigan and Zach Galifianakis and Sarah Silverman - they were all amazing and helpful to me.”

“My wife left me when I was 28 in real life.”

“The only Batman that doesn't need parodying is Adam West, but everybody else is fair game.”

“When I was in junior high, I went to a really hippy dippy Quaker school where we called our teachers by their first names and stuff.”

“My mom wanted me to be a youth pastor, and when I became a comedian, she said it was close enough.”

“What people respond to is intimacy and regularity.”

“I mostly do faces and sounds. That's what I do. Comedy doesn't have to be art.”

“I call myself 'Christ-leaning,' but that's primarily psychological.”

“I felt like I was in a unique position, or I am in a unique position, to show the evangelical world in a way that I haven't seen on TV before. That's a world that I'm very familiar with.”

“Starting the podcast was an experiment. I wouldn't say I was very private, but I was probably as private as the average person.”

“I booked an E-Trade commercial. That's a lucrative gig.”

“The underlying goal of comedy is feeling not-alone.”

“I'm the weirdo that tells - asks - the Uber driver to please turn the radio down. I'm so polite about it, though.”

“Science would like to tell us that people laugh because of the benign violation theory, but comedy doesn't have hard rules.”

“I think what people respond to is someone being who they actually are.”