A biography for Karl Pilkingtonhasn’t been written yet.
“I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.”
“A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect.”
“If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared.”
“I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.”
“I was woken early and had breakfast with the guru. We had some spicy Rice Krispies and a spicy biscuit with some really sweet, milky tea. Not the way I normally like it, but I drank it anyway as I didn’t want to offend him. I suppose that is my heart telling me how to act instead of my head again. My arse may get involved later though.”
“We should all love animals.”
“They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.”
“People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!”
“Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.”
“At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.”
“I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.”
“I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.”
“With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?”
“I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.”
“I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.”
“Comedy's really subjective, you know.”
“I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed.”
“I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.”
“How would I know which one I was?”
“I've got loads of nieces and nephews.”