A biography for Karl Pilkingtonhasn’t been written yet.
“She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?”
“It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.”
“Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.”
“Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.”
“People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door.”
“You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.”
“I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.”
“I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.”
“I don't know what 'famous' is, really.”
“That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.”
“The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife.”
“I've never worried about life's big questions.”
“The problem is, these days you have to listen to too many parts of your body. Sometimes I go with my gut feeling, some say go with what your heart says - it's only a matter of time before my appendix will have an opinion. This is probably why there are so many helplines these days. No one knows who to bloody listen to!”
“I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.”
“The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.”
“I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.”
“If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.”
“But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot.”
“When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.”
“People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.”