Carlos Mencia

“I'm just trying to be funny, trying to make people laugh, and trying to make the world a better place through some jokes. I don't have words for it. It's so overwhelming.”

“Here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends, who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like, I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.”

“Before I got into stand-up, I was a really quiet guy who had all these thoughts, all these things I wanted to say, but there was never anyplace for me to say them because my mom would look at me and go, 'You better not say what you're thinking. You better not.'”

“I was never funny. I'd be funny once a year at Christmas. I'd do impressions of how people talked and danced, but that stopped when I was about 11.”

“When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it.”

“I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them.”

“Here's what I know about the business I am in. It's all based on money. It's all based on ratings.”

“I grew up Mexican.”

“My comedy is about, lift yourself. See reality. Change the reality if you don't like it. But if you can't, then deal with things as they are because crying about it isn't going to change anything.”

“Is it my fault that there is a stereotype that black people are not good swimmers? I know that's a joke, but somebody will say, 'I can't believe you would say that.' Well, first of all it's just a joke, and second of all if you watch the Olympics, black people win medals in jumping, running. They don't win any in swimming.”

“What I do is that I really, really try hard to make sure the things that I do comes from a pure place in my heart and my intent is a pure one.”

“I'm a spiritual person: I believe that if you read the Bible, you get what you want from it. But, when you actually read it, you see the beauty, spirituality, the joy and love, and what makes us godly.”

“I am frail like everyone else, and I take that into account when I talk about things.”

“The weight loss came about because a buddy of mine who was diagnosed with diabetes because of his obesity told me that I was fat. And I started laughing, and he was like, 'No seriously, you're fat.' And I said, 'Oh wow, really.'”

“I'm a teacher and a philosopher by nature... In the end, I'm trying to teach people to live a better life. And if I can do that on top of entertain, then I leave the world a better place.”

“One of the better moments in life is when you get your own car.”

“I am an extremist.”

“Chicago is pretty much my favorite city to perform in. For some reason, people from the Chicago area have an amazing attitude.”

“People that love me, love me. But the people that hate me really hate me.”

“I know I'm funny.”