Carlos Mencia

“Guys like Rogan literally want to ruin my career. That's unbelievably cruel and hurtful, and I never want to be that guy.”

“I have 11 sisters and 6 brothers.”

“I could always talk about being a Latino and having a Mexican mom and a Honduran dad and being from Honduras. That was always an easy go-to place. But on the other hand, it was a crutch.”

“If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.”

“The word 'epiphany' gets thrown around, but truly, the first time I stepped on stage, I had that moment of clarity. I realized God gave me a gift, and this gift is to make people laugh, and this gift should not be wasted on trying to configure some electrical components.”

“The really funny thing is that most all of my friends who are priests have seen me perform, and they say, 'I wish I could talk the way you do on stage. I wish I could reveal truth to my congregation the way you do.'”

“All this stuff that went down, the joke-stealing accusations, me not wanting to do 'Mind of Mencia' anymore. All these things made me look inside myself.”

“If the worst thing happening to Middle Eastern people is that Carlos Mencia is doing a joke about them being stopped at airports, that's a pretty awesome state of affairs.”

“I was born in Honduras, and everything there is really chill, and people don't worry about having to get something overnighted by FedEx. Maui has that same sort of vibe, but everyone speaks English.”

“Some people want to live in a world much prettier than the one I depict. But it exists, and I talk about it because it exists.”

“When I was born, I was given to my uncle and aunt to raise as their kid because they couldn't have kids.”

“People live in a place called Tornado Alley - and they're surprised when they get hit by a tornado. I'm sorry when they get hit by tornadoes, but when you live in Tornado Alley you can't really claim surprise.”

“I had one guy say, 'I watched your show and didn't agree with what you said.' And I'm like, 'It's a joke. How could you not agree? I can understand you saying it's not funny.' But it's like my going onstage and doing a knock-knock and somebody going, 'I disagree. There's no door here.'”

“I worked as a comedian for 23 years, 51 weeks a year.”

“You know what, I stopped doing 'Mind of Mencia' because it got hard, and there was a lot of fighting, and it was just time to move on.”

“If I've got a black joke, and I can't tell it in Oakland, then I shouldn't tell the joke anywhere else.”

“I was a very cocky and unlikable young comic. But I came from the hood, and that's what I learned.”

“When you have a TV show, and you're selling out 10,000 seats or whatever the hell it is, it's not that it becomes easy. It's just that's what your life is like.”

“I grew up poor. The fact that I had to struggle to succeed, that wasn't a big deal to me. I'd struggled my whole life.”

“At the end of the day, my career is not going to be judged by one or two or three moments in time. It'll be judged by the longevity of it.”