Bert Kreischer

“I love touring. I love stand up. I love getting on a tour bus with my friends.”

“I've learned to control my anxiety.”

“Busch Gardens was my theme park; it was where I went on my day off from school.”

“Doing a reality show is like being in a fraternity.”

“I like making people laugh.”

“It's not hard to find the energy to do the things you absolutely want to do.”

“No matter how successful I may get, I'll always be a failed musician, sitting at a concert double-fisting overpriced twenty-ounce beers, wishing it was me on stage brooding soulfully to my fans. I had my shot once, but I let it slip through my fingers.”

“The Travel Channel named me the professional fun seeker, and that's exactly what I am.”

“Skydiving is fascinating, the best part is cruising in the air and realizing that the dice has been thrown and you're either going to die or not. It's a very helpless feeling but it's so freeing.”

“I don't have that kind of brain where I can spell-check.”

“I get this weird energy that starts in my feet and goes up and fills my head, and I just want to get everyone in the crowd to laugh.”

“My father grew up in Levittown, L.I., in the first tract housing built for G.I.'s. His dad had stormed the beaches of Omaha and died when my father was very young. My dad had to raise himself, pretty much.”

“I think I've got the coolest friends in the entire world, I really do.”

“I have always liked being the life of the party.”

“I'm just kind of a regular guy.”

“I read some older books when I worked at Barnes And Noble, like some of the American classics. I read a lot of Hemingway. I fell in love with Hemingway's prose and with the way he wrote. I feel like he's talking to me, like we're in a bar and he's not trying to jazz it up and sound smart, he's just being him.”

“Some of the most fun I've ever had has been filming 'Bert the Conqueror.' As a stand-up comedian, I love putting this humorous spin on travel, and I get the added bonus of using all these wild adventures in my act.”

“There are days where I'm like, 'Oh, my God, I'm so happy I'm living the life I'm living.'”

“I adopted a motto: Never say no. Jim Morrison never said no, Kurt Cobain never said no. You couldn't have great things to write about if all you did was sit in your living room with your roommates talking about the phone bill.”

“I'd love to be a movie star. That'd be great. But I lost the looks awhile ago. They slipped right through my hands like sand in an hourglass.”