A biography for Sarah Millicanhasn’t been written yet.
“At school I was the mousey one in the corner that nobody really liked.”
“Being a comedian is harder if you can't drive. You can't take last-minute gigs as easily, because the on-the-day train ticket is your whole fee, if not more. Getting a lift off someone you've never met is normal, but still odd.”
“Survival is something I've always managed. To be fair, my parents did the first 16 years without any input from me. I ploughed through many a KitKat, but it was their insistence on vegetables and coats that kept me alive.”
“Recommendations can be tricky. I'm happy to steer someone towards something ace and away from something rubbish, but my only tool is my opinion.”
“I tell the audience bits of my rude life on stage so they don't mind telling me bits of theirs.”
“It's probably a generalisation to say this, but occasionally I'll see a bloke who laughs only after he's checked his girlfriend did. I tend to imagine that's a rocky relationship, to be fair.”
“My entire book was typed with three fingers and a very confident space-bar thumb.”
“Pretty much every comic that you see live is going to be slighter ruder, slightly darker and slightly more scary. But there are restrictions when you're on the telly. I'm not trying to rude it up for live. I just have to restrict myself on the telly.”
“For someone who is rarely on time, my body clock always knows when it's too early to go to bed and I just lie there in the dark like I'm hiding.”
“We all need a big cushiony telly show to fall back on. Like the pair of slippers after you unexpectedly went Christmas shopping in your work shoes. Like the cup of tea when your deadlines are making you cry. Like the hug off someone who matters when it's cold and you wanted to look nice, not warm.”
“It's not enough for something to be popular; it has to be good.”
“My natural way is when I'm live; I'm like that in natural conversation as well, a bit filthy.”
“If you think how many female comics there are compared to how many male comics there are, I think there are quite a few female comics on the TV.”
“Sorry, I love the internet. Since I got my cats, I don't look at clips so much. Like a teenage boy with a real live girlfriend. But I am always sucked into clips of unlikely animal friendships.”
“I'm a fan of the fly-on-the-wall-type documentary, even if I'm not particularly interested in the location of the wall.”
“Fancy expensive designer shops are out for me as I'm a size 18, sometimes 20, and I therefore do not count as a woman to them.”
“It seemed wrong to look forward to watching a man cut his arm off, and especially weird having dined at a carvery before going to the cinema, but Danny Boyle's '127 Hours' didn't disappoint.”
“I don't worry about a zombie apocalypse. Mainly because it's unlikely, but also because I think I'd be pretty good in that type of emergency.”
“The telly's almost always on. It's how I wind down after a show. It's how I relax on a rare night off. It educates me, entertains me and makes a hotel room feel a lot more cosy.”
“But I do, like proper cooks, have an oven burn on my arm. I ran it under the tap for a couple of minutes but then the biscuits I'd made were cool enough to eat and I had to make a choice. Tiny scar and full belly it is then.”