Sarah Millican

“I think life is full of moments. And it's important to remember those moments. Take a mental snapshot if you can. For me, they are either when I feel truly happy or a standout moment in my career.”

“I'm in awe of actors, I think they're amazing because, I don't think I can even play me in anything. I'm really impressed when you see people like Chris Ramsey, John Bishop and Jason Cook. Just taking up comedy acting, let alone serious acting, terrifies me to the core.”

“All of my stuff is based on personal stories to back up my arguments. It's not a lecture, it's still comedy. I think a lot of comics forget that you can have a theme but that it shouldn't replace the jokes.”

“For people who've never seen me before, some of my material is quite a surprise. I look like your sister or neighbour, and then I come out with something quite dark or shocking, and it's so unexpected.”

“People always say that you shouldn't read reviews at all, or if you do then believe both the good and the bad ones. I just choose to believe the ones that think I'm brilliant. The ones that don't, well, I just don't bother with them.”

“When you look out at somewhere like Hammersmith Apollo and all those people have come just to see you on that night, it's overwhelming. You can't rest on your laurels. This tour's got to be better than the last one because I want people to come to the next one.”

“A place I've been a fair few times is the Lake District. It has the edge on Paris in that it's ace. It's the sort of place I show off to my Aussie mates like I made it or own it or something. I love that I know where to park, where there's a choice of 30 ice cream flavours, where you can fall asleep on the grass while your friends go for a walk.”

“It's best, I think, to treat stand-up comedy on the telly like tapas: small tasters of something you'd love a proper plate of.”

“My sister saved me from drowning. I shouted at her because she pulled me out of the pool and hurt my arm.”

“When I was a kid, I had a friend who went on holiday to the same place every year and I never understood why. My ten-year-old eyes always wanted new things to look at - new branches of WH Smiths to look for Sweet Valley High books in, and different campsites or self-catering cottages to explore.”

“There are a million reasons why I might not do well at a gig. But none of them are because I'm a woman.”

“I only started driving lessons because of comedy - before that, there's be no need. There was a bus from where I lived to where I worked and I had a very obliging, mobile sister.”

“You'd expect the third time you do Live at the Apollo to be easier, easier peasier, a doddle. Like riding a bike. Except I can't ride a bike so that analogy has always been lost on me.”

“I've never made a secret of the fact that I love watching telly. I write this column about it and have made three TV series about it, too.”

“I don't have a telly in my bedroom. I think the bedroom should be saved for more appropriate things, like sleeping, eating biscuits, sorting through your knicker drawer and, of course, the thing that should only be done with someone you know really well - naps.”

“One thing Aussie telly does well is slightly different versions of programmes we've made. The trailers for 'Celebrity Splash' prove they don't just pick the good stuff either.”

“I've written four jokes ever about cakes. But because they were show jokes, they were on the telly a lot. And everywhere I go people give me cupcakes. I don't eat them, I give them away.”

“You can't nap with just anyone. It's weird. I can honestly say I've only napped with six people.”

“There is something liberating and defiant about going on stage and saying you are 36 and 13 stone.”

“Because I started doing stand-up relatively late - 29 - someone can shout something at me but it's not going to be as bad as some of the things I've experienced. I've lived a bit.”