A biography for Michael McIntyrehasn’t been written yet.
“Now I almost overly embrace how weird I am, how I look and how oddly camp I am. It's almost too honest for me because I harboured ambitions to be quite a cool, good-looking guy.”
“I suppose I'm always a little bit on edge.”
“Comedy provides an escape from the horrors of real life.”
“I don't go around straightening pictures or anything like that, but I do obsess about the safety of those I love, particularly the kids.”
“The people who don't like me are completely irrelevant to me, just as I'm irrelevant to them.”
“I've been performing stand-up comedy for ten years, it's what I love and will always do.”
“Before I went into comedy I was a loner, very much wrapped up in my own thoughts. But I always liked myself and the way I thought.”
“I don't watch any other comedy, I don't study stand-up as an art.”
“I've got some Jewish ancestry and I don't like waste.”
“I don't know how it is with other people's relationships, but my wife is always much more tired than me because she works much harder looking after the children, which is an endless battle - a lot of it is battling with them to stop battling with each other.”
“I worked every single night, not even caring if I got paid, to get myself known. Within a year I was on the Royal Variety Show and that was it.”
“I don't understand people who write blogs and have children. You can't stop in the middle of bathtime and say: 'I'm just going to write a load of words - for free.' I won't do it - unless someone wants to commission me.”
“I don't eat huge amounts, I'm just very lazy. But then this story appeared about me being on a diet and several weeks later I was snapped on holiday with my ''new physique'' on display, which was basically my old physique under a baggy T-shirt. I hadn't been on any diet. But I felt I had to live up to it.”
“My life is spent in hotels, which tend to be quite disappointing if you're in them every night.”
“I like the stage lights to be bright so I can't see people because I will inevitably only see the ones who aren't laughing.”
“I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring and I even had it engraved - with the price.”
“Hard audiences tend to be when it's all men. It's when businesses have dos where they're at conferences all day then book a comedian for the evening. They're men of a certain age - basically middle-aged, balding, 50 to 60 years old and I just know I can't make these people laugh hysterically.”
“I like jokes where people don't stop laughing.”
“There's nothing better than having a bright, blinding light in your face and being guided by big, rolling laughter. There's nothing more encouraging than hearing that huge sound. I've waited my whole life to hear that. You come away with the biggest high of your life.”
“Britain's Got Talent' is about those moments when an unknown person takes to the stage and changes their life in the space of a few minutes.”