A biography for Larry Davidhasn’t been written yet.
“I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'”
“There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.”
“I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.”
“My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.”
“I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.”
“My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.”
“Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.”
“I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.”
“Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible.”
“Most people think I'm immodest.”
“The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.”
“I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through.”
“I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.”
“I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself.”
“I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.”
“I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.”
“If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.”
“I am not honest.”
“Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.”
“If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable.”