Larry David

“Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.”

“Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.”

“I think Michael Moore is a hero.”

“I'm anti-cheese in a salad.”

“I have reservations about everything I do.”

“I have no secrets.”

“Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.”

“I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.”

“Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.”

“When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.”

“The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.”

“I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.”

“In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.”

“The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.”

“I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.”

“I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.”

“I believe in something.”

“I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.”