Kin Hubbard

“If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.”

“Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.”

“Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.”

“Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.”

“We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.”

“It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.”

“Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.”

“It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.”

“Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.”

“There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.”

“The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.”

“Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.”

“Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.”

“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”

“All the world loves a good loser.”

“No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.”

“Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.”

“It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.”

“Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.”

“I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.”