Kin Hubbard

“Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.”

“It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.”

“If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us.”

“I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.”

“Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.”

“The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.”

“Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”

“Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.”

“A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.”

“Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.”

“Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.”

“Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.”

“Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”

“Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.”

“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”

“If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.”

“Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.”

“There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.”

“The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.”

“When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.”