Kathy Griffin

“Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.”

“I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.”

“So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.”

“My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.”

“I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.”

“I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.”

“Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.”

“I prefer being known for my stand-up because I write it. I love being an actor, and saying other people's words is great. But then, when I do stand-up, I love getting my own point of view out there.”

“Of course, I’ve told Jesus to suck it, too, which earned me a certain measure of notoriety, because you have to make fun of any religion that would let you have sixteen kids and say it’s God’s will.”

“I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.”

“Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big deal to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, get a baby-sitter and pay for the meal, the parking, whatever.”

“I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.”

“But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.”

“I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!”

“I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!”

“I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.”

“A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.”

“I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.”

“It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.”

“That's life when you're on the D-list.”