Judith Martin

“You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter.”

“There was no singles problem until singles got so single-minded that they stopped wasting time with anyone ineligible. Before that, it was understood that one of society's main tasks was matchmaking. People with lifelong friendships and ties to local nonprofessional organizations did not have to fear that isolation would accompany retirement, old age, or losing a spouse. Overburdened householders could count on the assistance not only of their own extended families, but of the American tradition of neighborliness.”

“People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous.”

“It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.”

“Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes.”

“We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility.”

“When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation.”

“Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me.”

“Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards.”

“Being polite does not mean being mummified.”

“Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue.”

“The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it.”

“Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress.”

“If you can't be kind, at least be vague.”

“For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one.”

“First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it.”

“'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty.”

“We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.”

“Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one.”

“Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not.”