A biography for Jerry Seinfeldhasn’t been written yet.
“To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.”
“You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.”
“Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.”
“There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win.”
“I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they're beautiful things when they're done.”
“I have this old '57 Porsche Speedster, and the way the door closes, I'll just sit there and listen to the sound of the latch going, 'cluh-CLICK-click.' That door! I live for that door. Whatever the opposite of planned obsolescence is, that's what I'm into.”
“Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.”
“You can be passionate about anything.”
“I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there.”
“I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.”
“The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!'”
“Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.”
“Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.”
“Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.”
“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.”
“The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.”
“You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that.”
“I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense.”
“As a comedian, I found this thing, this profession, that suits my mind and life force. To drop it to do something else? I just don't get that.”
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”