A biography for Groucho Marxhasn’t been written yet.
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”
“If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.”
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.”
“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
“In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.”
“All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.”
“Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.”
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
“Room service? Send up a larger room.”
“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.”
“Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.”
“I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.”
“Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?”
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”
“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”
“I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.”