A biography for Groucho Marxhasn’t been written yet.
“נולדתי בגיל צעיר מאוד.”
“I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.”
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
“Women should be obscene and not heard.”
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”
“The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.”
“A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.”
“I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
“Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.”
“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”
“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”
“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”
“Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.”
“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”