Fred Allen

“Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.”

“I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.”

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”

“The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.”

“A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.”

“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”

“I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.”

“It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.”

“Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”

“An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.”

“Imitation is the sincerest form of television.”

“Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.”

“An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.”

“A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.”

“The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.”

“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.”

“California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.”

“I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.”

“You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.”

“a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done”