A biography for Fran Lebowitzhasn’t been written yet.
“If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.”
“If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.”
“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.”
“I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.”
“I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?”
“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”
“Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.”
“Humility is no substitute for a good personality.”
“I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.”
“Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.”
“As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.”
“Andy Warhol made fame more famous.”
“The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.”
“In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.”
“I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.”
“Polite conversation is rarely either.”
“Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life.”
“Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.”
“Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.”
“Nothing succeeds like address.”