Bill Watterson

“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.”

“How come we play war and not peace?""Too few role models.”

“CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.”

“[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.”

“BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!”

“It's always better to leave the party early.”

“I liked things better when I didn't understand them.”

“Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?”

“If you can't win by reason, go for volume.”

“If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”

“Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?”

“That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

“In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.”

“If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?”

“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”

“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.”

“We don't value craftsmanship anymore! All we value is ruthless efficiency, and I say we deny our own humanity that way! Without appreciation for grace and beauty, there's no pleasure in creating things and no pleasure in having them! Our lives are made drearier, rather than richer! How can a person take pride in his work when skill and care are considered luxuries! We're not machines! We have a human need for craftsmanship!”

“I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.”