Bauvard

“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.”

“Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.”

“I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.”

“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.”

“Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.”

“I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.”

“Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.”

“I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.”

“Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.”

“Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.”

“When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it in their face. I’m a librarian, damn it! We only take book donations.”

“The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.”

“I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.”

“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”

“I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.”

“The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.”

“If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.”

“If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.”

“I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was arrested for theft – I took away your dignity as a mannequin”

“I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers.”