Andy Kindler

“'Ambulatory' is my favorite word to use because it never gets a laugh.”

“I'm on a mission. If I can make even one person not enjoy something they're currently enjoying, it's all worth it!”

“The cliche that comics always use is that whatever is happening in the news is 'the gift that keeps on giving.' I always thought that was a bunch of nonsense.”

“I always had a tremendous amount of rage about the business, and I thought turning that into comedy was healthy.”

“Most of the people in my family were pretty funny. Everyone had a good sense of humor. I came to California right after college, wanting to be a musician.”

“'The Graduate' should have won best picture over 'In the Heat of the Night.'”

“I have so many strong opinions on the entertainment industry, but if I'm in a deli somewhere, and someone says they love that Adam Sandler movie where he dresses up as his twin sister - well, I don't want to make people feel bad for how they feel about things. I'm always courteous, not mean.”

“I'm interested in Jeff Bridges. I love that guy. And I did like Carey Mulligan in 'An Education.' And I love Meryl Streep, but if they could ban 'Julie & Julia,' I'd be in favor of that.”

“I did not sell Amway, but I sold Shaklee, which was an Amway-type product sold through multi-level marketing.”

“Can we all admit that 'Parks and Recreation' is horrible? Is this something we would all know, but don't say? Maybe everything should not be improv'd.”

“I would like Albert Brooks to have received the Oscars for best actor, best director and best screenplay for 'Modern Romance.' I love that movie.”

“I feel completely fearless when I'm on stage. And also totally fearful. There's the fear that I'm not making a very smart career move sometimes, but there's the stronger belief that these things need to be said.”

“I will say that I wasn't susceptible to Tony Robbins-like pitches, even as a younger man.”

“From 1987 to 1992, I was on the road for 40 weeks a year playing comedy clubs, and that was during the 'comedy boom.'”

“I sold door to door for a couple years. As the years recede from the event, I remember less about it, which is probably good for my mind. It was home improvement in Cerritos California, Buena Park, that area.”

“Why did God have to make Mo'Nique a good actress? What was God thinking when he decided to give Mo'Nique acting chops. Now we have to endure Mo'Nique comedy specials.”

“Jimmy Fallon is handsome. This is an indisputable fact.”

“Sometimes things can be a guilty pleasure, but with 'Idol,' everyone talks about it like it's a real thing; they argue over who's gonna win... There's no laughing at it.”

“When I played a club in Salt Lake City, I complained to the crowd about the low turnout. It's always good to berate the people who paid to see you because you're upset about the people who didn't show up. It's called misplaced anger, and without it, I wouldn't have an act.”

“I don't consider myself a political comedian because it's so hard. It takes time away from me saying terrible things about TV.”