A biography for Adam Carollahasn’t been written yet.
“I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.”
“Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.”
“I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.”
“I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.”
“I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.”
“I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.”
“I don't know that I appreciate things more because of how I grew up, but I am very realistic with what I expect out of people and what they expect out of me.”
“I mean, we sit around and we go, you know, 'Torture doesn't work.' Well, it's been around for 5,000 years. Most stuff that doesn't work goes the way of the dodo pretty quick, like waterbeds and 8-tracks and things like that.”
“I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.”
“Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.”
“You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.”
“The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.”
“I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.”
“Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.”
“If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'”
“I am not a good cue card reader.”
“If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?”
“You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.”
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird sigh when you sat down on it. I'm not a germaphobe or anything like that, but it is weird to think about all the ass time this seat had seen before we moved in. This is a horrible invention. What's the plan? You want to create a toilet seat so comfortable that you can fall asleep while you're taking a shit? You're going to show up late for work or end up like Elvis.”