“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird sigh when you sat down on it. I'm not a germaphobe or anything like that, but it is weird to think about all the ass time this seat had seen before we moved in. This is a horrible invention. What's the plan? You want to create a toilet seat so comfortable that you can fall asleep while you're taking a shit? You're going to show up late for work or end up like Elvis.”

American radio personality, comedian, actor and podcaster

Adam Carolla is an American radio personality, comedian, actor, and podcaster. Born in 1964, he is known for hosting The Adam Carolla Show and for years of work in radio and television. He co-hosted Loveline with Drew Pinsky on syndicated radio from 1995 to 2005, and also on MTV from 1996 to 2000. He later co-created and co-hosted The Man Show, helped create Crank Yankers, and hosted The Adam Carolla Project on TLC in 2005 and The Car Show on Speed in 2011.