Dark Humor Quotes

“If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person’s body, and tied them end-to-end…the person will die.”

“I find myself laughing at a lot of things, from slapstick to dark humor. I'm pretty much all over the place.”

“Try & try until you cannot succeed.”

“Wolves eat dogs." That did seem to be the consensus of the village, Arkady thought. Roman shook his head as if he'd given the matter a lot of consideration. "Wolves hate dogs. Wolves hunt down dogs because they regard them as traitors. If you think about it, dogs are dogs only because of humans; otherwise they'd all be wolves, right? And where will we be when all the dogs are gone? It will be the end of civilization.”

“I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments.”

“It's amazing what the discovery of a corpse can do for one's spirits.”

“Oh get over it Cecilia! You are no longer human. Such decorum doesn’t exist amongst our kind”

“Magic. I draw with silver and it turns red.”

“... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.”

“Daddy is jive talkingand showering the stripperMommy is sleepwalkingwhile changing baby's diaper”

“I love dark humor that crosses the line and makes you say, 'That's so wrong!' And that's 'Family Guy' to me.”

“I can't get his bonesto go down the fucking drain.I try to stuff the tiny holes,too tiny for this pain.I can't get his bonesto break any way for my gain.Break them back a little too far,never too far for the sake of sane.”

“Don't let 'em see they killed you!”

“He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur.”

“When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day.”

“Funny people come from all over. I think Michigan has dark humor on lock, though. Michigan, to me, is equal parts beautiful and noticeably dark. Saginaw made me dark, hahaha.”

“I had battled my own demons that day, facing down the thing that imprisoned me since the accident-a scar and the diffidence it created inside of me. But it was just a physical blemish, not something that made me who I am. It took a mentally disturbed murderer who gave me a sneak peak at death to show me that.”

“There is sometimes a fine line between a cop and a criminal. What drives their personality may be the same, and they have simply chosen different roles and professions to call their own."Dr. ML Rapier PhD, Clinical Psychologist.”

“Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.”

“I’m not who you think I am. I’m an actor. Just like all of you. I’m improvising, shooting from the hip. It’s all a lie. I’m a lie. You’re a lie. The lights—they don’t lie. But when they shine, they only tell half the story.”