“The reason is that you eat too many foods that are high in "calories," which are little units that measure how good a particular food tastes. Fudge, for example, has a great many calories, whereas celery, which is not really a food at all but a member of the plywood family, provided by Mother Nature so that mankind would have a way to get onion dip into his mouth at parties, has none.”

American author and columnist

Dave Barry is an American author and columnist. He wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005 and became known for his comic writing across several forms. He has written many books of humor and parody, along with comic novels and children’s novels. His honors include the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1988 and the Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence in Journalism in 2005.