Tiffany Haddish

“I'm so sleepy most of the time, but I guess it's 'cause I'm constantly doing things and trying to move forward and set up for the master plan. The master plan is to be, like, little baby Oprah, with my own production company, maybe my own channel, inspire millions.”

“People always tell me, 'You should do drama. You should do drama.' Even when I first got an agent, they were like, 'We want to send you out to be dramatic.' And I'm like, 'No. I'm a comedian. I'm funny. I want to do funny stuff.'”

“When I go to auditions, I try to always make sure I go in prepared. I always think to myself, 'I'm here to provide them with a service. They need me, and if they decide to hire me for this service, I'm going to give them the best they've ever paid for and if they don't, they're dumb.' That's on them.”

“You're the only one that's in control of your emotions; you're the only one that's inside of you at all times. So control you however you want to. If you're not happy, that's your fault.”

“Coming from where I came from, being a foster youth... like, living in all those different homes... I am glad I had those experiences because now, when I perform, I can come from a place of reality: I know how different people live.”

“I learned from Roger Rabbit that if you make people laugh, they'll do anything for you - which is almost true.”

“Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't become Mr. Universe because he went to the gym every now and then. He did it on a regular basis. It's the same thing with comedy. I try to perform seven nights a week.”

“I always bring at least 15 to 20 percent of Tiffany to every character that I do. Like when I read 'Girls Trip,' I was like, 'Who been partying with me? Somebody been hanging out with me and done stole some stuff.'”

“I surf. I would love to do a remake of 'Gidget.' It could be, like, black 'Gidget.'”

“I'm not really into politics, but if I had my own country, I would make sure all my people were educated and figuring out what they love to do, and focusing on that.”

“I think of comedy as my man: it's the one thing I can always rely on that will keep me safe, keep me fed, put a roof over my head.”

“When I pick my greens, right, I smile. I smile when I pick the greens, and when I wash the greens, I smile. Then when I cut them up, I smile. And then when I cook them, I smile. They call it joyful greens.”

“In stand-up, you do need to be having fun up there, like Richard Pryor said, but you have to know yourself well, too... You start learning, and it's like playing a piano. You know exactly what keys to stroke, 'cause really, with comedy, you're, like, fiddling with people's souls.”

“When I was younger, I barely talked. I was scared of people. I had to learn how to cultivate that confidence.”

“There are a lot of comedians that were bullied and picked on, and that's why they became comedians. Survival of the fittest.”

“I'm open to whatever God puts in front of me and makes my heart pitter patter.”

“There've been times I felt like, 'I don't know if I want to do this.' That maybe I should go back to school and become a special-education teacher. But I love entertaining.”

“Stop holding your truth; speak your truth. Be yourself. It's the healthiest way to be.”

“I wanna meet Meryl Streep, so she can be my mama. I want Meryl Streep to be my mom in a movie.”

“When I got emancipated from the foster care program and I became homeless, it was a struggle. I was working at an airline, and then I stopped to pursue comedy 110%.”