A biography for Sean Evanshasn’t been written yet.
“We've all had classes with a professor so bland and monotone that their lectures sound like Mitt Romney reading 'Paradise Lost' from a blown speaker.”
“If you want to be universally loved, forget a career in broadcasting. You can't compliment a team without necessarily dissing their opponent.”
“Preparing America's student loan crippled grads to enter a hopeless and crowded job market is no easy task, which is why we should show more love to our nation's professors.”
“Tim Tebow is the kind of unsung hero we can all root for, an underdog who is all too often ignored by the fans and media.”
“In an age of political correctness, even the most apparent gender assertions are dismissed as ignorance.”
“Dive bars rely on a steady stream of neighborhood regulars to keep their doors open.”
“Bobby Petrino slinks through coaching jobs with the stench and trustworthiness of expired mayonnaise.”
“When you decorate with neon beer lights, it's hard to create a class divide. So, the dive bar is an institution that welcomes every kind of person.”
“If you're curious how Lance Armstrong got away with cheating for 15 years or why Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend went unnoticed for five months, it's because sports reporters are really just starstruck fans, not hardcore journalists.”
“The sixth track on 'Days Before Rodeo' is jet fuel for the soul, the kind of song that could make a middle school librarian put her head through a glass coffee table.”
“For many an awkward, pigeonholed high school kid, the first day on campus is a chance to re-introduce themselves to the world. In most cases, this is an unfortunate occasion.”
“It's easy to forget about the Memphis Grizzlies because, well, they play in Memphis.”
“Women who are paid to look hot get hit on all the time, so don't roll up on a restaurant hostess with your non-iron Trump Collection shirt and expect anything to pop off.”
“If you're entering your first year of higher education, then you also need to prepare for an extreme lifestyle change. Your mom's not there to wake you up for school.”
“It doesn't matter how much game you think you have, no nightclub bartender wants to talk to you.”
“The pool table, like bathroom graffiti and horrible lighting, is a dive bar staple.”
“When humiliation begets heartbreak, your clothing permeates with a stench of desperation that only women can smell.”
“Prodigal sons like Barack Obama, Kanye West, and Michael Jordan only come back to Chicago to sell their homes.”
“In the late '90s and early 2000s, basketball was more about making your defender look stupid than scoring. Seriously. You could miss every layup, so long as you turned an ankle or buckled a knee.”
“Entering a club is an insufferable two-way street and the patrons are just as guilty as the doormen.”