Roseanne Barr

“The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think.”

“Comedy is the only hope for humanity.”

“The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.”

“I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more.”

“You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.”

“Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?”

“Meditation state is a place of deep relaxation where you can pinpoint the things you do and to set a paradigm switch from effect to cause. So how to be a cause in your own life.”

“The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.”

“I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.”

“I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.”

“I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.'”

“We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.”

“Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem!”

“I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job.”

“I like to get people talking. I am a provocateur, and I do like getting on Twitter and riling people up. You know what, after a while some sane dialogue and sane conclusions come of that kind of thing.”

“Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper, in notebooks and tablets, on the walls in my room as a teenager, and in orange paint on the cheap white plastic blinds in my room.”

“I think I should be here alone to rethink the world - I do. I want these lesser humans gone.”

“Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.”

“Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact.”

“Imitation is the sincerest form of show business.”