Roseanne Barr

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”

“I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.”

“I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.”

“I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids.”

“It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.”

“Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.”

“Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.”

“I'm God because I have the power to control my mind.”

“One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.”

“I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish.”

“Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought.”

“A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that.”

“Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you.”

“A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.”

“I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.”

“It's not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope and are inspired, things will get better, but they actually won't.”

“The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.”

“Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.”

“My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.”

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.”