Roseanne Barr

“I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy.”

“Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice never attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head.”

“There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.”

“I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.”

“I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.”

“I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.”

“As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.”

“I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.”

“Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.”

“I will barnstorm American living rooms. Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election.”

“Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.”

“Everything that's written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it.”

“I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place.”

“You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'”

“I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel; it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost.”

“The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.”

“Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?”

“You can't break through Hollywood formulaic points of view. I've tried, and I think I was more successful than anybody at doing it.”

“TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel.”

“I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.”