Ron Funches

“I'm sauteing asparagus, Brussels sprouts,broccoli, some boneless, skinless chicken breast, some halibut. That's about it; that's all I'm allowed. That's what's legal for me to saute.”

“Chicago is an extremely rough place to grow up in. Especially if you're the only brother on the block that's into bumpin' Alanis Morrisette... So 'You Oughta Know,' I moved to Oregon.”

“I've worked as grocery store cashier; I've worked at a bank call center and as a Lady Liberty for Liberty Tax Service dancing around with the sign for a while.”

“I look forward to going to Chicago because it's where I grew up, and the food there is so munch. Especially during the winter, I get deep dish pizza or Italian beef, and it warms me up. It's something I don't normally get, especially here in L.A. where you're always trying to be healthy.”

“My comedy is kind of a counteraction to some of the comedy I don't like. Or things I don't like.”

“That's one thing I love about my son - he's just a gamer at heart, he loves everything. He'll still play 'Pole Position,' or just old things at an arcade. He just loves games. He's not a graphics snob at all. I love him.”

“I think that's the difference between meetings in New York and L.A. In New York, it's like, 'Be there, and be there on time.' In L.A. it's like, 'Oh, we get it. You might have ran into traffic. We'll reschedule.'”

“Some of my biggest influences are people like Steven Wright and Todd Berry. I'm a shy person, and I don't think people who aspire to do comedy think that's an option.”

“My breakfast is usually some oatmeal and berries and some agave, or a protein shake.”

“Trying to maintain your health on the road can be difficult. Especially in the middle of the country where they close by 9 and you're not out of work until midnight. You end up at a McDonald's or Taco Bell.”

“We definitely have a Wii U. It gets pulled out whenever there's a new great game coming out.”

“I think my comedy is about finding the good in bad situations - finding the joy. Why be angry? It doesn't help anything.”

“In any great art, you create a world, and you invite people into that world, and hopefully, it's fleshed out enough and you've explained it well enough.”

“My mom could afford to put us in a Catholic school for grades one through seven, but not after that.”

“The worst job I ever had was working as a Lady Liberty sign-twirler for a tax services place, where I'd just dance and have fun. The way I talk about it makes it sounds like a fun job - but then I got a staph infection from the costume. So that was probably the worst part about it.”

“I like the Bulls, the Bears - Chicago.”

“If I'm super scared or sick, I'll still suck my thumb.”

“A lady emailed me that her child had been diagnosed with autism and that hearing my material on the subject had helped her. To me, it just means that I'm making the right decision in talking about this.”

“I love a good Roy Rogers or Shirley Temple, and I had to give those up. And Philly cheesesteaks. I love Philly cheesesteaks, and now they really aren't around anymore.”

“I love Nintendo, I'll never not love Nintendo. I want to play new Zeldas, basically.”