A biography for Robert Benchleyhasn’t been written yet.
“There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.”
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
“The only cure for a real hangover is death.”
“Streets flooded. Please advise.”
“Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.”
“The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.”
“Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.”
“An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.”
“We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.”
“Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.”
“In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.”
“The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.”
“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”
“Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.”
“We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.”
“There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.”
“Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.”
“In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.”
“I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.”
“Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.”