Patton Oswalt

“I wish I had a really cool, esoteric answer, but what the process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once that hour is solidified and recorded, I move on.”

“90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.”

“I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.”

“There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone.”

“People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.”

“I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports.”

“I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.”

“I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form.”

“All the truly great stand-ups say, 'I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work.' To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.”

“If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.”

“The problem is, and I'm just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It's great to have followers, especially if you want to sell albums, promote shows, or promote your friends, but you still need to get outside and talk to other human beings.”

“As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.”

“I hate all sidekicks.”

“With acting, you see some of the kids are literally just off the street, untrained, and they are great. And others are off the street, untrained, and kind of horrible.”

“So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'”

“I'm not familiar with the metric system.”

“I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes.”

“Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.”

“As much as I know people love the method and what you can draw out of yourself, a lot of acting is very imaginative.”

“I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.”