Nikki Glaser

“The first place I ever performed was at CU Boulder. I went there my freshman year and discovered stand-up after my friends talked me into signing up for a showcase on campus.”

“I went and hung out at a foot fetish party, and I knew that was a very popular fetish to have, but I didn't realize how amazing it would be to have it.”

“Some of my favorites include 'Walking the Room' and 'Never Not Funny' and 'FitzDog Radio', Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast.”

“I remember the 'Jenny McCarthy Show' being kind of funny, and I remember her being just like one of the boys. I remember her being counter to everything I thought girls should be on TV, or whatever. I kind of liked her vibe.”

“My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that.”

“I'm learning that if you put yourself out there and make fun of yourself first, it really does work. People can't really make fun of you.”

“Rob Thomas loves nothing more than for couples to go on dates, and he loves chocolates. Boxes of 20 chocolates.”

“I have always been scared of confrontation. My therapist says it stems from my fear of abandonment.”

“I'm in a relationship and have never been on Tinder as a single woman, but from what I have seen, I think it is always good to have a picture with an animal to show that you are kind.”

“Temping is the worst. I would rather starve and be homeless than nanny or temp again.”

“If anyone's going to bring about mass extinction, it'll be Donald Trump.”

“Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow.”

“Things end in this business. Shows get canceled, or you walk away from them - but most likely, things get canceled.”

“A college degree was very important for them; it wasn't for me. So I picked English because I'm fluent. I thought it would be the easiest to do.”

“It strikes me as pretty interesting and cool how girls support each other in this business. I've never felt so much support in my life than from my fellow female comedians. I attribute much of my success to some of them.”

“The transgender bathroom thing - it's just so obvious that people are scared of what they don't understand. It's like, 'I don't want to deal with the fact that some people might have been born in the wrong body.'”

“I started out splitting my time between the Kansas City and St. Louis comedy scenes, which both had bluer sensibilities than other cities that I've worked.”

“As a female comic, if you talk about sex in any capacity, you will be branded a 'sex comic,' so I might as well go full force on it.”

“I just got a new dog, so I was worried that he'd hate the fireworks, and he did, but just because he's not a patriot, not because of the loud sounds. The loud sounds he's fine with - he just hates America.”

“I'm sure I've already made some mistakes that I'll wish I could take back.”