Nigel Rees

“It is part of politics to make things look better than they really are. What is a spin doctor but a serial euphemiser?”

“I was terribly shy and never said anything in class. Then I started getting into school plays. When you've got words to say, you've got a sort of armour.”

“I got into New College, Oxford. The ethos was that you could work - or not.”

“I was absolutely a non-starter at games. My report for rugby said, 'Nigel's chief contribution is his presence on the field.' I used to pray for rain and sometimes it did rain - and we played anyway.”

“My job involves searching for 'lost' quotations - that is, trying to find out who came up with a quotable saying that lingers in someone's mind and which they wish to use for their own purpose and which they cannot find in conventional dictionaries of quotation.”

“How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?”

“Democracy is too good to share with just anybody.”

“People will say what they want to say, in the way they want to.”

“Euphemism in the workplace does not end with job descriptions. It reaches a pusillanimous peak at the other end of the work process - in dismissal.”

“I was broadcast-struck from an early age; I had saved up for a tape recorder and started making programmes.”

“You wish to put a positive construction on your deeds and words.”