Maysoon Zayid

“See, I'm totally fearless. I got my chops in the most, like, dangerous comedy atmosphere. If you can make it in New York, you can really do stand-up anywhere.”

“I think religion is very personal. I definitely identify as Muslim. I consider myself practicing, but I don't think people who observe me from the outside would think of me as devout, and that doesn't bother me because one of the beauties of Islam is the fact that it is personal: you read the Koran, and what you believe is what you believe.”

“Today, I am a touring standup comic who cannot stand up. Within three minutes, I begin to wilt, lose my balance, and topple over. I can tap dance and run in heels, but I need to use a wheelchair to navigate airports.”

“Forget Paula Dean; when it comes to on-air celebrity chefs, no one makes my stomach go pitter-patter more than Chef Anthony Bourdain. He is absolutely fearless.”

“I think there's a backlash against minorities in this country and that part of what caused that was the fact that a black man became president. And a certain portion of the privileged population think their privilege is at stake, and they want it back.”

“The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith. They did, however, seem very concerned that I would starve to death during Ramadan. I would explain to them that I have enough fat to live off of for three whole months, so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.”

“Not wearing hijab has seriously, seriously hurt my career. Mass media wants to see a woman in a veil. But I think it helps me because it makes it easier for my audience to relate to me. I'm not the scary 'other' they keep seeing on 'Fox News.'”

“Comedy is free therapy. And if it's done well, the audience and the comic take turns being the doctor as well as the patient.”

“As a comedian, Trump is comedy gold, and he almost makes my job too easy... the stuff that comes out of his mouth is a precious commodity.”

“As far as characters that are written as Muslims, we're only seeing one dimension. It's either the good Muslim who is helping the FBI, or the taxi driver-terrorist bundled in one.”

“I'm not trying to represent all Muslim women. I'm trying to give voice to the silent majority. Unfortunately, I'm a bit loony.”

“I'm not here to impose Sharia law, and I'm not here to have a message about disability being inspirational - I'm here to make people laugh. But when I can layer things and make people not only laugh but question, make people not only laugh but be offended... I have to do that.”

“I spent my summers in a war zone because my parents were afraid that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer, we'd grow up to be Madonna.”

“If there was an Oppression Olympics, I would win the gold medal. I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled, and I live in New Jersey.”

“In 2006, I hung out with The Carter Center as they monitored the Palestinian elections. Nobody thought Hamas would win. Hamas did not think Hamas could win. The lion's share of folks I spoke to who were voting for them were not actually voting for Hamas but against Fatah.”

“I was the girl who did everybody's homework, but I was also, like, student council president and yearbook editor and, like, all-around overachiever. Like, I'm disabled, but I can do anything.”

“I'm very much inspired by things that anger me. If I see bigotry, stupidity, or injustice on the news, I'm inspired to find a way to make it into something comedic and relatable. Anger inspires me. Stupidity inspires me. My family inspires me. My accountant inspires me. Everything and anything, really.”

“If you're disabled, and you're trying to achieve your dreams, accept the fact right now that you have to work 500 times more than the average bear next to you. Stop bucking for sympathy, put on your titanium legs, and run.”

“When I ask people what they think of when they hear the term 'cerebral palsy,' I usually get one of two responses. They either think of a smiling, crumpled child in a wheelchair on a poster or commercials on late night TV with lawyers enticing parents of CP kids to sue the pants off their obstetrician.”

“I think that social media has really empowered bullies because you get to do it from the comfort of your own home, completely anonymously, with no ramifications.”