Josh Stern

“If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse”

“Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down”

“If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....”

“Revenge is a dish best served in something microwaveable”

“Manners without sincerity, is called polite society”

“Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth”

“It's always darkest before you're blinded by the light”

“Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks..."”

“Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette”

“The true genius of a Woman is her subtle flair in creating the illusion that you are the smart one”

“Never be paralyzed by fear, just by falling off a cliff”

“I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing....”

“Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity”

“When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door”

“Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings”

“In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?”

“If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried”

“An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet”