Josh Stern

“Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort”

“It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing”

“Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert”

“Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job”

“Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs”

“If life is a bowl of cherries, what's inside of it?”

“Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them”

“Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over”

“Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack”

“Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity”

“At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control”

“If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane”

“If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody”

“Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling”

“Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what”

“To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it”

“The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard”

“The only threesome I've ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1”

“Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy”

“If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re lookingthrough binoculars the wrongway”