Johnny Carson

“The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.”

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”

“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.”

“People will pay more to be entertained than educated.”

“Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.”

“The mind starts to do things that you didn't even realize it could do. I suppose it's the manipulation. I suppose it's the sense of power, the center of attention, and the me-ism. And performers have to have that.”

“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.”

“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”

“There comes a time or a moment when you know in which direction you're going to go. I know it happened to me when I was quite young.”

“Just be yourself -- it's the only way it can work.”

“I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.”

“People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.”

“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”

“My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.”

“Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.”

“I was going to hang it up on the twenty-fifth year of this show. I don't know why. Maybe twenty-five years is enough. And I found out that I was having so much fun doing the show that we decided to stick around for a while.”