John Pinette

“I've been heavy my whole life. I've been up and down, and I can tell you that down is much better.”

“You can learn to be great, you really can. You've got to work all the time.”

“Gravity is a law. I respect the law.”

“When you're big to the point that you're unhealthy, it's like you see life through a window. You can look at everything going on, but now I can experience it.”

“I'm one of the larger mammals. Everyone in my family was large, mom and dad, my two older sisters. If you meet a skinny person in my family, you say, 'And you are married to who?'”

“People have been trained to believe that comedy is the five- and 10-minute segments that you see on TV. But in 10 minutes, you can't really talk about yourself.”

“Call it fate, call it God, I call it God, but I think that I found what I was comfortable in this world with doing.”

“I would describe my comedy as my skewed comic perception of life.”

“I denied my comic thing there for awhile. I always made people laugh, but my family said that's not the real world, I had to put on a suit and tie and be serious.”

“You go out, you order a steak. What do they do? They bring you a salad. They don't even charge you anything for it, cause it ain't worth anything, cause it ain't food!”

“Let's face it, it's a skinny world out there.”

“People have told me, 'It's part of your act, you're big, it's part of your persona.' Well, as I've lost weight, my act has grown.”

“I don't really sing.”

“Sometimes you do have to throw caution to the wind and you really have to not be afraid to suck.”

“Singing on Broadway terrified me more than anything I've done.”

“I grew up in Malden. Genetically, I was born to be as close to Kelly's Roast Beef as possible.”

“My routine isn't so much dreaming up the comedy as just seeing what happens to me. I seem to be leading a very funny life.”

“I have to view life comically. It's the only way I could get through it.”

“I grew up poor. To me, interior decorating is my big-screen TV, my couch and my Simpsons poster.”

“I guest-starred on 'Alf.' I played a stand-up comic Howie Anderson.”