John Bishop

“If Jimmy McGovern knocks and you are offered a part, you don't say, 'can I ease myself into it?'”

“By doing the comedy you don't get heckled by your own wife.”

“When I was young, I only ever wanted a job where, when I went home, I didn't have to get a wash.”

“I was looking for someone to represent me and an agent sat me down and said, 'I don't think there's anything to work with here.'”

“I didn't want to do comedic acting because I don't think I am very good at it.”

“There comes a time in your life when you become comfortable in your own skin.”

“I normally put on Lycra or Speedos to plead with the British public to put their hands in their pocket for Red Nose Day.”

“I would never claim to be an actor as I have never had any training and apart from being in a panto, before 'Skins' I had not acted.”

“When I started doing arenas, because of the screens, I was back to getting the reaction of a very small room. If I say something and raise my eyebrow, everyone sees it. So people were laughing at the subtleties that they weren't getting in the theatres. It was really strange.”

“I am not entirely against horse racing. I even had a share in a horse syndicate with a few mates.”

“I won't do routines at gigs that I've done on television.”

“We live on a two week cycle in our house so if I go away for two weeks, it's too long. And if I'm home for two weeks, it's too long.”

“As an actor, you have to perform the character in the way that people relate to.”

“When I write something down it doesn't look funny to me. It's about the environment, it's all in the moment.”

“I have worked hard to be all the things that I thought a family man should be, but I probably could have done better by not trying to run a family like I was picking a five-a-side football team.”

“Everybody has layers.”

“Some people are brilliant at being comedy actors and if you're a comedian I think there's a perception that, if you're acting at something that's meant to be funny, it will be funny all the way though and you'll be dropping in gags.”

“Brexit - I was sick of it when it was all happening. It's off the news now, but when Covid settles down it will just come back again.”

“I was going through a divorce so I wasn't having the best time, but I wasn't going to the doctor for Prozac.”

“As a father I can't imagine the pain of digging my own child's grave.”